A part of Corrigan -- a not-insignificant part, actually -- is deeply ashamed at himself for abandoning his pack, emotionally if not physically. He knows they need him, can feel their grief and loss and confusion through the link. Benji is a shell of himself, his own experience with Miles compounding with fear for Kurt's safety, knowing better than any of them how terrifying the former packmate can be. Kai is a ball of rage, taking out his grief by snapping at anyone and anything, shredding stumps and stones and bones whenever he isn't pushing himself on searches for his mate. Leo's withdrawn to be nearly as silent as Corrigan himself, obligingly letting Kai lash out at him, like he craves the punishment, like he blames himself for Kurt's loss. And Naseer...
Naseer's grief is a careful, many-layered thing, now as always. The Beta has always redirected energy that would normally be put into mourning or regret towards productive things -- the pack's survival, the practical needs of the day-to-day. He keeps them going, on the rare occasions when Corrigan is distracted. But the Alpha has never been so emotionally remote for so long, and he can feel through the link how it weighs on Naseer. He lost Kurt too, the same as any of them.
The benefit of the link is that Corrigan doesn't need to speak, or even particularly focus to communicate his emotions to the pack. The love he has for them, each and every one, is strong enough that it bleeds through without him even trying. Even now, senseless with loss, the sound of Naseer's voice prompts a soft pulse of affection, of gratitude through the link, one that smolders like a soft, tiny ember. It says I would be lost without you and I love you and I'm so sorry I'm like this, when Corrigan can't bring himself to speak the words aloud.
So he listens, and even leans slightly into the warmth of Naseer at his side. Corrigan conducts his own searches, sometimes for days at a time, running his paws bloody over terrain he's searched a thousand times already, seeking any sign, any trace of Kurt. After the earth-shattering destruction of their link -- theirs and the pup's, twined together, both helpless and vulnerable to Miles's influence -- the trail had vanished. There were a hundred ways Miles could've taken them, a thousand more with each day that passed without the pack finding any sign. By now they could be halfway across the world, oversea, even, beyond where the wolves could ever get to them. Corrigan's intense faith in Kurt, in their incredible strength and courage, wars every day with how long it's been. And the latter is winning, bit by bit.
For the first time, Corrigan feels the realization: he may never see them again. He doesn't even know if they're still alive, much less safe and free enough to find their way home. The wolf knows in his soul that Kurt would never give up trying to come home, just as the pack will never give up searching. But Miles's motivation is unclear, his grand plan a mystery. Would he want full control indefinitely over Kurt, toying and tormenting them day after day, or would he eventually grow bored? Would the wolves eventually be searching not for their beloved, but for bones in the earth?
A slow, shaky breath, and Corrigan closes his eyes. When he speaks, his voice is raspy: "I don't...know how to do this, 'seer. I don't know how to live a life without them."
now that i am FREE from the HOLIDAYS AT LAST
Naseer's grief is a careful, many-layered thing, now as always. The Beta has always redirected energy that would normally be put into mourning or regret towards productive things -- the pack's survival, the practical needs of the day-to-day. He keeps them going, on the rare occasions when Corrigan is distracted. But the Alpha has never been so emotionally remote for so long, and he can feel through the link how it weighs on Naseer. He lost Kurt too, the same as any of them.
The benefit of the link is that Corrigan doesn't need to speak, or even particularly focus to communicate his emotions to the pack. The love he has for them, each and every one, is strong enough that it bleeds through without him even trying. Even now, senseless with loss, the sound of Naseer's voice prompts a soft pulse of affection, of gratitude through the link, one that smolders like a soft, tiny ember. It says I would be lost without you and I love you and I'm so sorry I'm like this, when Corrigan can't bring himself to speak the words aloud.
So he listens, and even leans slightly into the warmth of Naseer at his side. Corrigan conducts his own searches, sometimes for days at a time, running his paws bloody over terrain he's searched a thousand times already, seeking any sign, any trace of Kurt. After the earth-shattering destruction of their link -- theirs and the pup's, twined together, both helpless and vulnerable to Miles's influence -- the trail had vanished. There were a hundred ways Miles could've taken them, a thousand more with each day that passed without the pack finding any sign. By now they could be halfway across the world, oversea, even, beyond where the wolves could ever get to them. Corrigan's intense faith in Kurt, in their incredible strength and courage, wars every day with how long it's been. And the latter is winning, bit by bit.
For the first time, Corrigan feels the realization: he may never see them again. He doesn't even know if they're still alive, much less safe and free enough to find their way home. The wolf knows in his soul that Kurt would never give up trying to come home, just as the pack will never give up searching. But Miles's motivation is unclear, his grand plan a mystery. Would he want full control indefinitely over Kurt, toying and tormenting them day after day, or would he eventually grow bored? Would the wolves eventually be searching not for their beloved, but for bones in the earth?
A slow, shaky breath, and Corrigan closes his eyes. When he speaks, his voice is raspy: "I don't...know how to do this, 'seer. I don't know how to live a life without them."